Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
