just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
