it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
