I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
