I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
