My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
