Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
