you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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