Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
