And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
