Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
