True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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