i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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