dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
