That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
