Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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