I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
