Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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