It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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