My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
