I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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