I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Randomize
