I wish my penis had an off switch
i wish my penis had a tongue
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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