Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
