She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
