Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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