TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
