I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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