john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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