Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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