my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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