he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize