i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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