I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
