I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
