NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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