Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize