Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
