I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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