What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
