Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want to make a zoo with you.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
