so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
