Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
