Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
40s are totally the cure
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
