Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
