we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize