Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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