chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
