The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
