it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
