Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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