i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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