It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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