I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
