i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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