He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
