I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
As shirtless as possible
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize