Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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