Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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