now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
