see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
