Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
