East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
