i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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