from now on my penis is your penis
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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