You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
