Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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