what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
