Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
