So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
