I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
